When loving secretly...

We can't do anything but endure sweet, searing pain.

1. Often, we endure being rejected a hundred times a day. The worst part is he/she also gives us so much hope. In a snap, that hopes bursts like a bubble with one word, or an action.

2. We can gaze at him/her as often as we want. Yet, we can't bring our eyes to meet his/hers and tell him/her that we like them.

3. We can do everything to make him/her smile. And we get what we want: that smile, and nothing more.

4. T-T. We can cry all we want, he/she won't know that he/she is the reason behind it.

5. We can spend the night wide awake thinking of all the things he/she has done that might somehow prove that he/she loves us back.Yet, we end up realizing that it was all a hopeless dream.

Tips para sa mga nahuhulog ngunit pinipigilan ang sarili

1. Humarap ka sa salamin at aminin sa sarili mong may nararamdaman ka na para sa kanya, gaga. At huwag na wag kang magtangkang mag-deny dahil sarili mo yan, day.

2. Kapag nag-uusap kayo, HUWAG mong ico-consider na puwedeng may nararamdaman rin siya para sa iyo. Gaga, that is the fruit of your fertile imagination. Proof: Sa kakabuhos mo ng luha dyan sa puso mo, nagkaroon na ng bunga sa brain mo day oh.

3. Kung hindi naman kayo madalas magkita (which I doubt dahil pakiramdam kong classmate mo siya, coworker, kapitbahay, jowa ng friend mo at iba pang level of acquaintanship), putulin mo ang communication niyo. ASAP! At huwag kang magparamdam hanggang sa sure na sure ka na na di mo na siya type= meron ka nang iba or nagpari o madre ka na.

4. Kung acquaintance naman kayo (or friends or unfortunately, best friends), huwag na huwag kang magpaparamdam- that is to test the waters kung may gusto rin ba siya sayo. Malamang makuha mo ang signs na gusto mo dahil at the first place, FRIENDS kayo di buh??

5. Go on as if nothing's changed. (as if kaya mo to di ba?) Pero seriously, kahit na maubusan ka pa ng buhok sa kakapilit at kakaaway sa alter ego mo, gawin mo. Pilitin mo ang sarili mong maniwala na hindi mo siya gusto, o worst, mahal.

Not all that glitters is gold

Last night, I went to a party and met several people I never would have met if I didn't study in a prestigious university.

They were actresses, not very famous but recognizable enough, mingling with the crowd I was in. They weren't treated as stars however. They were there as normal people. It was disheartening to see these normal people smoking cigarettes. They were not committing a crime unless they were under-aged but I hold a grudge against that stick anyway. It is addictive and it kills.

I realized how fickle media can be. In the television, I just see a mask that they want me to see. I don't really know those people.

Lines: Heart

Curve.
a sharp turn.
curve.
line.
no, a segment.
a harsh turn.
Whole.
a line gnashing its way through.
jagged as glass.
bleeding as a wound.

Titles

These are some of the things I just pondered upon now.

What I do best: Working at the sidelines.
The Library is my dream house.
Gentlemen: Where are you now?
Why I'm keeping my email ad and my password even though they remind me of my ex.
I'd rather write a book in first-person point of view.
My first time with the photocopying machine.
I'm good at lying.
Lying is a mechanism I've developed because I'm a very private person.
Falling in Love and lying about it.

Love Affairs: My Latest Escapade

Not really. He's one of those people who loves the same thing I dearly love: Music.

He's a musician. He plays the piano and an occasional guitar. He sings. He's tenor who can be a soprano if only you'd trust my judgment.

Honestly, he sings really well - almost at par with my Papa, who can sing his way through a kundiman without a flinch.

Yet, that shouldn't be in question because we are members of the same choir. Aside from the choir, we get to interact a bit more than other acquaintances normally would because we're taking up the same course. Thus, we suffer almost the same hardships in terms of academics. :)

Because of these two commonalities, I get to see him a lot. That's where the problem comes in, or rather, the love affair.

I've learned to love him. I don't know if it can be called romantic but it's something more than my usual brotherly love for my Kisa, LB and Twin.

It all started when we decided to sing this duet just for the sake of singing and we actually sounded good together. After that,we began to hang out more often. We would practice for a gig in a cafe or in the party of a friend. In the process, I got to know him and I realized just how much fun I have when I'm with him.

He was by no means as funny as LB. He was not even like Kisa. Not a bit. He's more of LB, only taller. Of course, he's far from my Twin. And in case you're wondering, he's so different from my one and only old flame.

That's why i couldn't figure out why I'm writing a "love affair" column for this guy. Maybe, it's because he brings out the motherly instincts in me. He's like a younger brother who has to be protected and listened to.

Yet, this only affirms why I'm writing about him. I love him. I care for him. And i don't want him to get hurt... by me.

Love Affairs: My Twin

He's the only one I didn't hide in a codename.

My twin. We only have one commonality, actually, like most twins: our birthdays.

We don't have the same set of parents though. We're not biological twins as he would put it. We were psychological twins.

I don't really know how this all started. All I remember now is that Twin was a bit of an introvert like me. He didn't like talking with other people. Yet, we were comfortable with each other.

He shared to me his problems and I shared mine. I even tell him secrets that I don't tell other people. We also learned about the personalities of each other as the years went by. I know that he can get so pessimistic sometimes. He knows that I can be a martyr sometimes. Yet, it doesn't really bother us knowing who the other person truly is. It just strengthened our bond as twins.

We talk like we're real siblings. We even wonder how that's possible. Yet, it really is. We're not just friends. We are brother and sister for each other.